At school, I was not that “hot chick” with straight hair, smooth skin & skinny legs. I was pretty much the opposite of my schools’ “it” crowd. I had curly hair, freckles, a fuller body and pimply skin. Because of this, I got bullied on a regular basis and often was excluded and isolated from social circles.
I didn’t fit in to society’s model of “ideal” or beautiful. I constantly felt odd, unattractive and just not good enough. This led me to develop two eating disorders with mild depression which felt like the darkest time of my life. It is an internal battle of the mind over the body that is so hard to describe. I can remember many nights of crying over something so beautiful (my body) that I just could not see.
Every form of discomfort that one can feel towards ones’ body, I felt it. Sadness, loathing, unease and disgust. There was this constant pressure of needing to look a certain way in order to be liked and maybe loved. Little did I know it was not others I needed love from but myself.
It took me years to work through this internal battle that I believe was life’s way of showing me my gifts and teaching me the lessons that I needed to learn about living life to its fullest. It taught me that we are the only ones that have the power to change our lives and we are the only ones who are responsible for it.
My answer came in a plant based lifestyle. A vegan life of kindness and care to my body and the environment.
ONE MORE LESSON I HAD TO LEARN….
Then in early 2016 I got another wake up call. It was actually New Years Day, I experienced an anxiety attack. I didn’t know what it was at the time & tried to ignore it. But as time moved on, I started experiencing them more often with more physical side effects that came with them. After doing some research and speaking to others I realised what was happening. ….a message was trying to come through!
I became aware that it WAS NOT a physical challenge but a mental challenge. My soul was trying to tell me something and the only way it could get a message across was by using my body as a channel of communication.
It is hard to describe or even explain anxiety. It’s having a fear inside of you that you can’t control and it starts to take over your life. It forced me to seek professional help and address many traumas, from being bullied as a child to the passing of my dad (nearly 21 years ago) which all contributed to where my body and mind was taking me.
With excessive anxiety, chronic fatigue is often experienced. This is when your body becomes so exhausted and drained that physically it just starts to slow down and stop.